Long, long ago, in a far away land, a Cynic was born. I quite literally tore my poor mothers vagina as my first act of unleashing hell upon the Earth. ...more Long, long ago, in a far away land, a Cynic was born. I quite literally tore my poor mothers vagina as my first act of unleashing hell upon the Earth. Still an infant, I stole my sisters slinky and pulled it apart, forever warping the metal, right before her eyes. As I grew, my voice dropped out of dolphin range and I began suffering from sporadic cases of "Funk". While unable to stop the "Funk", I would laugh manically and uncontrollably. It haunts my family's dreams. hide